I suspect like most blog writers, I kept a journal when I was growing up. In fact, I sometimes still write it in. I’ve noticed that I have had a pattern of mostly journal writing when I’m feeling ho hum, sad or really confused. I’m starting to think I do the same with this blog.
I’m feeling so tired. And so blah. I really enjoy my job (been there more than a month). Because I came from an envrionment that was so scattered, it’s not much of a shift to work in the environment I am in now. I almost think I’m working too much, but that’s because, I think, we’re only days away from our national conference. I guess I should feel stressed, but I don’t … not like my usual “ohimigod-i-cant-do-this-the-world-is-ending” stressed outreactions. I don’t seem to care that I still have several press releases to write and distribute and a powerpoint presentation to create. Before Wednesday. Which means tomorrow.
I’m feeling more stressed that I have to dress up four days — like suit dress up — and I can probably pull off dressing up only two days. Plus I need more pantyhose because I always get runs. And my shoes won’t be comfortable. And working 14 hours each day is going to exhaust me.
Not to mention that I’m really bummed I’m not getting the amount of media I want to commit to the event. Doesn’t sound like they’ve had much in the past, but I wanted to be the one who could walk in and make it happen. Sigh.
BUT in good news, I’ll get lots of food for free.
I went grocery shopping last week for the first time in maybe two months. I spent $90ish on what I considered two weeks worth of food. I was shocked when I looked at my bank statement and saw that I was spending sometimes $10 or $12 FOR LUNCH! Multiple times aweek. So I’ve been very determined to do my grocery shopping and not succumb to buying more food out. For two weeks. And I’d reward myself with Chipotle or whatever random junk I craved.
I almost succeeded except last Friday I was dying for a Diet Coke. The vending machine in our basement was sold out, so I walked a few blocks to Union Station’s food court. The cheapest, biggest fountain drinks were at the sushi place. So naturally, I splurged on an assortment of sushi.
My new job came with a big raise. But taxes have sucked most of that increase out of my paycheck, and I’m bringing home a lot less than I calculated. There go my plans for saving $10,000 this year, tap dance lessons, golf lessons, yoga sessions, gym membership, improv classes, graphic design classes, and monthly massages. Hm. Maybe I was overcalculating how much I’d have. Now my goal is to save enough money to pay off my credit card bill.
Once I pay it off, I think I want to seriously consider looking into and talking to a plastic surgeon about my lip scar. I know. I know. I’ve had this debate with myself for more than a decade — to revise or not revise, to plump or not? I know the scar ISN’T that bad. I’m sure I’m much more conscious of it than anyone else is. I don’t even know what my options are (and Google isn’t telling me. There’s so little information available about procedures for adults). Just today I discovered another possibility — permanent makeup. Then there’s the issue of am I denying my true self? I can wax philosophical for hours, maybe longer, about my cleft as part of my being me. So that’s why I’ll work off the credit card debt, accrue acation/sick time, and deal it with hopefully this year.
Spring kickball is happening in a few weeks. Bocce in a few after that. There will be Brew helpers this year, whichis good because we’re playing three nights a week. I’m happy to see us grow, but I have mixed feelings about it means for my free time. Thank goodness for Brew help.
