I haven’t blogged nearly as much as I wanted. I bought a new domain name to set up a memorial site for my grandmother. Of course, I have yet to do anything with it.
Life post-Gram is difficult. I won’t lie. It seems more difficult now because there’s an expectation that all is OK again. Not sure if that expectation is mine or from those around me. Maybe both. I do what I must with work and friends. So many times, I don’t want to be around people. But I tell myself to just go. Just go and hang out with them and you’ll feel more social and fun. And of course, I do feel so much better.
So even though I’m not playing kball this season, I usually meet up with people on Thursday nights after the games. This past Thursday, I decided to stay home. I knew I’d spend a lot of money on Saturday in Annapolis, and it seemed like a good night to skip out.
I stayed home; J had a stroke.
I immediately went to an optimistic place. It’s not that serious. He’ll be OK. This is just a minor issue. But it’s not. He’s still in the hospital and it’s so sad. And even though I try to stay positive, I can only recall how hope-filled I felt regarding my grandmother. And how wrong I was. And how much it sucked to feel positive and then to get shot down. But I don’t want to believe that this is going to have a bad outcome either. I can’t … I just can’t imagine. I don’t know what to do.
